


blanket

by transzoemurphy



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Dermatillomania, Dermatophagia, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, ITS JUNE, Implied/Referenced Self Harm, Insecurity, M/M, Meltdown, Referenced Drug Use, Stimming, autistic connor murphy, autistic jared kleinman, comfort item, idk how to use tags, ive been writing this since december, me? Writing a new ship?, self injurious behaviour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 02:16:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19714267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transzoemurphy/pseuds/transzoemurphy
Summary: Connor wasn't expecting much but he definitely wasn't expecting to find none other but the self-proclaimed "goddamn genius" Jared Kleinman wrapped in a blanket and fucking sobbing in the corner Connor liked to get high in.For a moment, Connor contemplated leaving, but god, there was something about the near-silent sobs leaving the smaller boy's mouth that kicked Connor eight times in the heart with steel-toed boots.





	blanket

Connor wasn't expecting much but he definitely wasn't expecting to find none other but the self-proclaimed "goddamn genius" Jared Kleinman wrapped in a blanket and fucking sobbing in the corner Connor liked to get high in.   
For a moment, Connor contemplated leaving, but god, there was something about the near-silent sobs leaving the smaller boy's mouth that kicked Connor eight times in the heart with steel-toed boots. There was something in the universe telling him to stay.   
"Um," he began eloquently. Great. Great fucking start, Connor.   
"Fuck off," said Jared's disembodied voice.   
"I usually come here to get high or slice my skin open or something, so you're kind of in my territory," Connor snapped back on impulse.  
Jared began rocking back and forth a bit more from underneath his blanket. "Which concerned classmate are you." It wasn't really a question.   
"Take a guess. Who else is gonna start a conversation by openly admitting to smoking weed and cutting himself?"  
"Alana? Is that you?" Jared quipped, his voice shaking, before pulling the blanket closer to him. "Go away, Connor. I'm having a moment."  
"No," Connor said, and he kicked aside the trash can Jared had sandwiched himself by to put himself there. "I'm here to be a support or whatever."  
"I don't need a 'support or whatever,'" Jared mocked.   
"You're crying in a hidden corner of the school wrapped in a blanket."  
"Fuck off."  
"No."  
"Go away. I'm not in a-" he took a breath that was more like a sob "-a position to talk right now."  
"So don't. Just sit and I'll sit with you."  
"I'm not bearable right now. Fuck off."  
Maybe Connor should have been offended at being told to fuck off so many times, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Instead he just reached over and put his hand on the back of the Jared-blanket lump.   
"Why are you," Jared audibly swallowed, "being nice to me?"  
"I don't know," Connor said honestly, shifting his hand. "Because like, if I was crying alone in a corner, I'd want someone to help me."  
"No, I mean, why are you being nice to me?"  
"Oh," Connor said. Jared sniffed. "Uh- because..." because what, Connor, because you've got a huge crush on a kid you've barely spoken to? "Because you're not a bad guy and I want you to be... not crying."  
"You're lying to me," Jared said, and he broke down even more than he had been, folding into himself underneath the spiderman blanket he'd burrowed into.   
"Why would I be lying to you? What the hell would I get out of that, dude?"  
"I don't know, but it's not true," Jared said, his voice watery. "I made one hundred percent of my friends hate me and that was exactly one person."  
"That's shitty."  
"Yeah, sure is."  
Connor sighed, giving up at trying to appear normal. "If you count me as a friend, then only 50% of your friends will hate you."  
"You don't want to be my friend," Jared said. He wrapped himself tighter in the blanket. Connor was shaking quite a bit. He didn't know what to do.   
"Yeah, I do."  
"But why?"  
Connor hummed. "I mean, you're kind of an asshole. But so am I."  
Jared didn't respond.   
"How do I help?"  
"I don't fucking know, man."  
"Do you want, like, a hug?"  
"...Whatever."  
Connor moved his hand and leaned against him, giving a one-sided hug. "Am I doing it right?"  
"...Yeah, actually." Jared sniffed and leaned into Connor's shoulder, taking in a breath. Connor hoped he was okay. Or, well, as okay as one could be in that situation. "Fuck. I'm sorry for, uh, breaking down in your corner."  
"It's okay," Connor said, and to his surprise, it was. "It's... a multipurpose corner, really, the only reason no one else comes here is because everyone's scared of me."  
"I'm not scared of you." Slowly, Jared pushed the blanket off of his head, exposing his tear-stained face. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot, and his nose was red, and he had a bruise on his forehead.  
"What happened to your forehead?" Connor asked. Clearly, he was the master of tact.   
"I hit myself in the head when I have breakdowns."  
"I feel that." Connor had done the same thing, many times. "Why do you have a blanket with you? Is it for math classes?"  
Jared snorted. "No. When I was eight, Evan got it for me. And it's like, my comfort object now, so."  
"That's valid," Connor said. "I have this stuffed rabbit from when I was, like, three. Her name is Grape."  
"Aww," Jared said, wiping tears from his face.   
Connor reached for his bag and rifled through the front pocket for a second before pulling out a purple stuffed rabbit that was about the size of Jared's head.   
"Oh," Jared gasped. "I love her."  
"You can hold her," Connor offered. His face was flushed a shade of pink that he was sure gave away all his feelings, but it was worth it for the soft smile and slight blush that Jared gained when he held the rabbit.  
"Hi," he cooed. "Hey."  
Normally Connor would have killed someone for touching Grape, and normally he'd rather kill himself than admit to carrying her in his bag, but something about Jared put him at ease, and something about the expression on his face made it completely worth it.  
Jared gently ran his fingers over the rabbit's fur, his soft smile lighting up the room far better than the shitty fluorescent lights in the halls. Connor decided he should tell the electrician that he'd found a much better alternative to their shitty lights, and that he'd be happy to be the one making Jared smile every single day.   
Like, for the lighting, of course. Not in a gay way.   
...God, Connor was fucked.   
Jared gently gave Grape back to Connor and started to chew on a corner of his blanket before throwing it down again and replacing it with an already gnawed-up finger. "Thanks, man."  
"Of course," Connor said. "I've had plenty of breakdowns here. It's what I would want someone to do."  
Jared let his hand fall from his mouth and started picking at his skin with his ruined nails. "You're the greatest."  
Connor watched as he picked the skin back too far and frowned as it began to bleed. He reached into the front pocket of his bag, pulling out the pack of bandaids he conveniently kept there, and silently handed one to Jared.   
As he bandaged up his finger, Jared blurted out, "Fuck, dude, I could actually kiss you right now."  
Connor's face immediately caught fire. Electrical problems, he figured. Maybe a Jared-powered electrical system wasn't the greatest idea.   
"Do it, then, coward," he half-joked.   
"Maybe I will." Jared grabbed Connor's black jean jacket collar and pulled him closer before stopping to run his finger along one of the buttons.   
"I really like these buttons."  
"Thanks. I found them at some thrift store in Oklahoma."  
Jared pulled back, his confusion visible. "Oklahoma? Who the fuck goes to Oklahoma?"  
"My aunt, apparently. But it's not important."  
"It's really not." Jared leaned forward and tilted his head, but Connor was the one to initiate the kiss, instantly leaning into him and kissing him like his fucking life was in the balance.   
When the two pulled back, Jared's smile shone brightly enough to light a small city singlehandedly.   
"Thanks," he stuttered.   
Jared grinned at him, but not in a mean way. "Yeah, you too, thanks." He paused. "Do you wanna go buy slushies at 7-11 and not go to school for the rest of the day?"  
"Oh, hell yeah."


End file.
